my stomach hurts. maybe not as much as my heart did. but it hurts. it feels like its being ripped apart and i really wish i just died so i wouldnt have to live with the pain, the aftermath and with myself.

we screw up at times and we drink to forget. It typically works except that we always forget it is an on-going process, a vicious cycle and a painful healing procedure.

I am a poor drinker and i suck at lying equally. I deem that my greatest merits but now, it is turning its back on me and slowly consuming my life.

I got drunk in our room at sands. called the emergency hotline to tell them im in pain. got up to pee but ended crying my heart out. See what wonders being a bad drinker and a bad liar can do.

Its the second hangover in a month, the second time i cried in weeks. Good news is, I am going to make a conscious effort to stop drinking and to stop trying. But the lying goes on. The lies that my life is made for and well entrenched in. That goes on. we can lie to ourselves about a better tomorrow, and a possibility of fewer screw-ups. We can lie to life. Just make it good, go undiscovered and hide it well.

When you are a poor drinker, just hope that you are a better liar.